How to know when lay groups are veering off the path?

[Catholic Convert]

I've got a friend, a sweet devoted Catholic woman who attends church every day. She is a generous woman who spends a lot of her time helping others. I suppose that is what drew me to her -- the kind heart she extends to the world. I used to think she was a great example of God's love, and a wonderful mentor.

This wonderful friend I'm talking about has joined a Catholic lay organization, and she is holding meetings at her house on a regular basis to go over scriptures and hold discussions. She invited me to come to some of these meetings and I did attend a few. They talked a lot about the Blessed Mother and women in the church, and I thought nothing of it at first. But despite my affection and admiration for this friend, I felt something tugging at me. It just felt...wrong. Something about how it was playing out, felt off. But how could it be "off", when they were talking about Mary and praying the rosary? I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was until very recently.

She kept inviting me to the discussion meetings, which I wasn't able to attend because of my work schedule. But I continued to get the emails she sent out talking about events in the group and plans. The emails started to become more and more Jerry Falwell in tone (no offense Jerry, I'm not knocking you, but you don't do things the Catholic way).

And you know how it takes several pixels to form a full visible picture? Thats sort of how it came into focus for me.

After a couple years of recieving her emails and feeling, for lack of a better way to put this, "icky", it occured to me that she is actually preaching to the group. She is not just leading discussions, she is preaching on her own (apparently without the guidance of a priest or other church leader).

At this point, I want to give you some background on my friend. She recently left the church she attended for years because she didn't get along with the priests, and moved to a parish that has a culture almost like a charismatic baptist church. They pass around a microphone in church, for example.

At any rate, I get the feeling my friend also feels like she has some spirtual insight that is above and beyond the normal Catholic. And I'm not saying that some people aren't more tuned in than others. In fact, I believed it at first. I truly thought she was just a bit spiriually gifted.

However, the tone of her emails and interactions I've had with her are starting to sound nothing like the love of God and a lot like pride and, excuse my use of this overused expression, but "holier than thou". She seems to have branched off like some independant preacher.

If you read her emails, she repeats that its WOMEN who need to raise up in the church and WOMEN who need to lead us out of the mess we are in. She repeats it so often its a mantra. And the underlying current off all her emails seems to be 1) forget about Jesus 2) you don't need to follow priests 3) as a woman you have a natural inclination towards divining what is morally correct and 4) praying to Mary is all that is necessary.

My personal thoughts -- she has unresolved problems with her father AND husband, harbors some unnecessary anger towards men and needs to get therapy. This is a person who sends out emails asking her friends to pray for her husband to apologize to her after a fight.

I don't know much about lay ministries, and I'm not knocking them generally. But this one seems almost dangerous. Any thoughts on the subject? This is a women's (charismatic) group.

[MichaelBoroden]

Hello, Very interesting and I appreciate your post. I think a lot came into focus toward the end of your post. I think lay groups are great, but they should definitely be willing to submit to authority. You might be very interested to know that many preachers even the one who had all those people drink poison and commit suicide so many years ago. If you heard his early teachings, you would say wow, this guy is amazing.

I think a real key to what you found is this "please pray for my husband to apologize to me". This easily translates to me a few ways. "Please pray that my husband does my will" or "Please pray that God intervenes and changes my husband to do what I want him to do". Remember, The core message of Jesus, Love your enemies... - enemies will be members of your own household. How about "Please pray for me that I forgive my husband and love him just the way he is" - this is the will of the father. You too can love your friend just the way she is. Be kind to her, but you do not have to get involved in what she is doing. If asked why, it is simple. There is no Love in it. Remember, if you love those who love you back, what credit is that to you?
Thank you for the post.